Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
