Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize