Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
