I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
