OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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