just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
