i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
