I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just had sex on a roof
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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