Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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