It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
