you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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