I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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