he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
