Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
