Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
