If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was CRYING into my vagina
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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