i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
