found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
