did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
