Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
