my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
