Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
