And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
