dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
sex in a hospital.. check
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
