Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
