I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
