it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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