No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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