dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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