I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
