i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
