I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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