I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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