"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
