To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
