we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
