Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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