i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
