just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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