Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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