you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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