I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
