Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
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Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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