ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
