he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
