Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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