I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
