she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
