When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
