I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
