I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
