Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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