i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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