I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
