He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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