now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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