I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
