I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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