Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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