:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
