The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
