Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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