so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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