So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
