just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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