I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
