What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
