This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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