I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My ass is underappreciated
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
