I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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