Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
