I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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