he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
