if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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