sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
