I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
