at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
