ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are leaves in my underwear?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
