does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
