I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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