Quick, to the slutcave!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
