I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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