Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize