How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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