At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
