he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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