You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
