i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Houston, we have a squirter
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
