im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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