if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
