She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
